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Tuesday, November 11th, 2008
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Sometimes I wonder...
Where do I come up with these weird ideas?
It's like I woke up one morning and go "I wanna join the military! =3"
*eye twitches* ((O)___,((O))
My family support my choice, but they just stare at me most of the time in disbelief. I think though, they don't think I can. Well, I dont care anymore. I honestly don't. They need to get a life, and I want to do this.
I swear, if my mom buys me friggin clothes for my birthday--- THEY WILL BE BURNED.
Plain and simple. She buys me clothes that are too old. Too large. Aren't my style. And she literally buys me crap from her storel.. HER STORE IS FOR 40 YEAR OLD WOMEN!!! THIS IS MY FREAKIN 18th BIRTHDAY!!!! IM A FREAKIN OLD ENOUGH TO BUY MY OWN CLOTHES! LEAVE ME THE CRAP ALONE!!!
Furthermore, I am sick of my mom thinking that everytime I do my own laundry, she automatically thinks she did it all. She could stick in my pants in the dryer when I'm not looking, and WHAM. The next day when she is complaining about how much she hates life, and everything else in this GOSH DANG WORLD, she then complains about always doing my laundry and that I put it on a desk in my room after she "wash, folded, dried, press, made sure the whites sparkle in the sun-" and I shout out - "YOU DIDN'T DO ANY OF THAT! I DID!!!!" So she will be like "well,.. I stuck it in the dryer!" And its like "I never asked you to, hell- I didnt even know you did until it was too late! Gawd, I can do my own laundry. LEAVE me the Crap ALOOOOONE!" And she will look back at taking me somewhere or doing something for me and will be like "So this is the thanks I get for taking you to the mall- Well~! I guess I learned my lesson!" ((P.s.- you dumb mother, you are the reason I cant drive and dont even have a permit yet. Kiss this ( | ) . ))
I am gonna go insane if I have to put up with this stuff anymore! I cant wait to get away from them when I graduate!
GOSH GOSH GOSH GOSH GOSH DANG IT ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!! (breathes fire and seethes with anger)
{Leaves comp and comes back with a cookie.=_= Maybe my anger is due to hunger....}
Well, pass my anger and rage at the moment. I am right now taking a nursing class, hopefully it will be a good foundation for dealing with patients so it will prepare me for physical therapy. I plan to do so if I can make it into the Air Force. Almost all of my family has been in the military so I am gonna be prepared or try to be for boot camp. : D
Some girls in my nursing class have been wanting to do a make over on me. Straighten my hair, buy me a bunch of tight TIGHT, skin showing clothes, and show me how to attract boys(they also want me to get laid,but I shouted out NOOOOOOOOO!!!! So they took that off the list. <:X) Anyways, at first I didn't mind, and they planned on doing this before or after Nov 20(my B-Day,) so I can experience at least what its like to kiss a boy or more, since I'm a complete virgin of everything, but I realized something today with my day off.... The way they are gonna teach me how to attract boys is gonna attract all the boys I don't need in my life, the ones after one thing. I definitely don't want a guy attracted to me, for acting like something I'm not. And I am definitely not out for booty, I'm after something much more special. I want a guy who loves God as much as I do, cause he will be the center of our relationship. I remember the saying, "Don't go out with some one you wouldn't want to marry," and now that I'm turning 18, this isn't a saying that you brush aside saying "That's for older people," now. I am that older person =], now I need to start acting like it.
Hmmm oh yeah, dunno if I posted this in my last post (actually forgot what was in her last post,) but I got a job at Farm Fresh. I worked for a good 2 months. I even got robbed on my 2nd week starting there(lol? doesnt that tell you pretty much everything?) and well,... I resigned the month school started. Yeaaah-...I really dont want to work at anymore minimum income jobs.. Not even part time! No No NO! The good news was, my co-workers were really nice.
I'm right now trying to study for my ASVAB and my driver's permit. It's hard...
My parents are also really annoying me(cough) as you can tell by the 2nd and 3rd paragraphs, but they are reaaaally getting on my last nerve. I'm trying to do this school year, but they decide that out of alllll the years I have been in school they decide to plan THIS year to drag me off on all these vacations and drag me outta school. >:{ I am not naturally gifted in school, so missing even 1 day screws me over! I am flunking math sooo bad cause I am missing days and can't catch up. I try to explain this to my parents and they yell at me! Then they see the grades I make and yell at me more! I just cant keep up, and this is the most important year for me, and they made the excuse that the only reason why we are staying in this state instead of moving is cause they want me to graduate at the same school because it would be "such a waste." BULLCRAP! I'm not gonna be able to graduate if they can't leave me the freak alone. They won't even let me choose to stay and go to school instead force me to go with them off to La La Land. I could careless where ever they go, cause I wont care. Everywhere they've dragged me to its the same dang thing and place. They make me hate visiting relatives.
I think I will be a hermit if Jesus doesn't come soon. I don't consider the Rapture an escape plan for my own petty bad days, but I am sick of all the sin and hatetred in this world. I feel if God doesn't let Jesus come back soon, man will be very close to destroying each other. I can't post all the info I've been researching but dang, the world is getting awefully scary. If I didn't cling to God every day I don't know where I'd be right now. There is something in the air... But I feel like God has ceased to Bless America now, and since, there has been evil circling that I can't exactly explain.
Okay, I also Had to share this freaky experience. But before I do- background info! ~ <3
I accidently got my house haunted by using a paper ouija board I made (yes, as corny as it sounds, you can make working ouija boards, even paper ones,) a couple of years ago. With tons prayers and God's grace, the thing, ghost, demon, unclean spirit, I'm not 100% which exactly, but it went away. Or sleep... Not quite sure. <:O But it doesnt bother me anymore (cant say the same for my doggies <x{ I dont know if it has been harassing them if Im not home. ) Anyways, I've been very sensitive to spiritual things after that. No,I don't see dead people. I can't talk to or hear them. I just know when there is a presence near me, and sometimes I can get some info on if they have been there long and if they are strong enough to have any affect on me (like if they can be physically or spiritually cause me harm or intend to.) Mostly I just can feel the prescence, and know "Okay, ignore, or slowly back up and walk away."
Okay, now onto what happened. I was riding the bus home and my bus driver left her radio on (the one that often makes static noises when some one pings in saying "I have a bad kid on my bus, should I write em up or not let them on the next time.) Anyways, I was asleep half the trip and then I woke up when the driver lurched to stop at a red light and I got jerked into the seat infront of me. I couldn't really even get comfortable after that so I was looking out the window, just imagining what I was gonna eat when I get home, cause I was hungry and I was dreaming about food when I was napping xDDD. Well, the radio was going on and off but at one point I heard the radio go "Fuck me" or "Fuck you".. I'm not sure which, I kinda forgot, but I know it used the F- something, and I just looked up to the bus driver like "Did you just hear that!" But she was looking at some idiots who were yelling loudly at the back, so I just shrugged it off thinking.. "Okay, that did not just happen.. I know it said that, but maybe, just maybe it was one of the kids in the back, and I just mistook them for the radio." But I know it couldn't of been them.. This thing was loud and it was an older man's voice, but very airy.. If I can find a horror film actor who sounds similar to this voice, I will post, but once you hear it, you don't forget it. It was just creepy and freaky. --- Anyways, I just continued looking out the window, as the bus was like 2 stops away from my stop, and I remember I was wishing that I had my ipod wasnt dead(cause I normally listen to it on the bus, to unwind from a stressful day.) Well, as the bus stopped to let a kid off, the kids in the back were quiet, and I heard the static of the radio and then a low "Kuah- ha - ha - ha - ah ha...." O____O Let's just say, I got off that bus very VEEEERY fast. But through out most of the evening I kept hitting cold spots in my house, and feel an ice cold breeze, when no windows, fans, or vents were going. D: I ignored it most of the evening, but on and off I said prayers. Thank you God, that he protects me. It's like I was completely calm that night even tho I had a feeling that what ever it was, was in my house that night. <X[ I'm totally freaked out now that I look back on it. This happened the day after the elections, but geez! Anywho, it hasn't bothered me since,and I doubt it will bug me again... But there always is a different situation...  Jin's house has a spirit in it so.....
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Wednesday, June 18th, 2008
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| Time: | 6:42 pm. |
| Mood: |  content. | | Music: | Love Song. |
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Lolz, I like this video. Gir is singing the Doom song, and I found it hilarious.
Well, summer started last Wednesday for me.. Of course Thursday was actually suppose to be my last day, but I got permission to take all my final exams early.
Lately, since it's summer, it's been a tug of war with me and God I feel. It's been hard to focus on reading the bible, and then me just being lazy and doing everything else instead of giving God some of my attention. Some time I feel like a newbie Christian, and I keep struggling to do the right thing. I am going to try to pay attention to God alittle more.
Recently, I've been going to my friends church and going to their youth meetings. I like their youth meetings and we play volleyball, but when they go to sing... I dont like it. = O They sing all these new Christian music, and I dont know a bloomin word of it. I'm use to old hymns and old fashion stuff, but this new music has me utterly confused and makes me linger in confusion still when we go to study God's word. I know it shouldnt bother me too much but it does. = [ Also, alot of them study the NKJV when I'm KJV person, so I can't keep up. I also feel like something is telling me to "move on," and find a different church. At the same time, I like the friendly, not in your face atmosphere tho. And I also like, how they arent trying to turn me away cause I'm new but saved. :D It's a confusing mess. I guess I like the company, but not the way the way they preach. Hmmm...
Summer is really lazy right now. It's hard to go outside, cause of forest fire's smoke from NC keeps coming up here and smogging and clogging the air here in VA. I hope things get better.
I've also been talking, and getting back in contact with some of my Christian friends, and I've been asking them how they feel about the Rapture, and do they get this feeling that it's coming soon? To my surprise they all answer "YEEEES!" with a look of "I thought I was going crazy and was the only one feeling this---look." So I feel, it is definitely not just me feeling this way.
I really do love the websites RaptureForums and RaptureReady. Although, some of them keep speculating that rapture could happen this summer, I'm not sure. : o I keep getting the feeling soon, but I dunno. It could happen, but I feel like something else needs to happen. For some reason I keep having something telling me to keep an eye on the news, and that I'm looking for one important thing, but I have no idea what it is. o_o???? It's like, "you'll know what your looking for when you find it," so I'm keeping my eyes open for this mystery X info. I will definitely post back here if I ever find it. = O
I also like the notion of the 4 Blood Red Moons, awesome Idea.
One thing that is making me very picky about the net, is that the net won't be up forever. = [ Grid system might replace the net. Normally I play online games every summer and waste all my time lving these characters. I took a step back and looked. What is the point in spending money, on something that won't last? What AM I ACCOMPLISHING with these online games? Are they gonna help me in life? No. Are you gonna be playing it when you're older? No. Is it even gonna be fun after a year or 2? No. Is it an absolutely necessity to keep yourself entertained and PLAY 24/7? No.
So basically, I figured out it is a waste of time and life to play online games. It took me a couple of years but I understand now. I can be doing so much more with that time to make memories, and actually do real things, and meet REAL people, then staying at home, gaming away in a virtual world that wont even be around. ' u ' Besides, you arent young forever, so why waste your precious youth indoors? Go have fun with friends face to face. Play sports that are real, and have fun doing so. : D I've Seen the Light! I've seen the Light!
Games addict me so, and they are suppose to be addictive, no matter what the gaming companies say. :O
In other news... I made an awesome Head that looks like Jim Carry from Dumb and Dumber, and I won a prize for it at a school state art contest as honorable mention. WOOOOOT! I even won ten bucks!~ HAHAHA xD
Well, off to sleep. I keep staying up till 5 am, and sleeping in till 11(but today I slept in till 2pm) and it's taking a toll on me. Toodles~~~
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3.2.1. Gone!
Ever feel like you learned something that you shouldn't?
I did.
Now I don't know what to do.
No matter how much I try to put my mind away from it, I can't.
Hehehehe.
Well, life goes on. But I know better.
Hmm, how do I start off? How do I explain?
It feels as if I can feel the tension of something and it is so thick I could cut it with a knife.
Well, I'm going to go for 2 yrs to college, then go into the Air Force. I'll hopefully be an officer and still be going to school for a doctor's degree in physical therapy.
I'm kinda hoping that my house gets sold, but since it isn't my parents are thinking of renting it out and still going to Georgia. In honest opinion, I hope we get outta Virginia as fast as possible. There have been numerous threats that have been bugging me lately. I've been hearing rumors of nucular attacks on the U.S. and I'm worried that since VA has so many military bases and chares the country's capital, that it maybe a high risk to stay here. Even if they are rumors, I rather be safe than sorry.
Been playing around some Russian websites too.. Interesting stuff... Takes forever though with translator. Rather mess with German websites cause at least I can read some of it. :D But they aren't as interesting...
I saw the midnight premiere of Indian Jones, and loved. Then I heard on the news about Russian's dissing it, and one old communist leader even said threatened saying "Are they trying to start another Cold War?" Dude, it's just a movie lmao. Russians depict Americans all the time as idiots and we haven't threatened them. :P No sense of humor. Tsk Tsk!
Another thing I've been reading up on are something about inter-religion dialogues. Almost all world leaders are meeting up in June, and talking about it in secret. o_O I wonder what it could be about... One world religion? The Pope ruling all? New Age religion going global and mixing with all religion? Sorry, overspeculation, but interesting to boot conspiracy theories. >:3 I love theories, they get me into sooooo much trouble. What's worse is when I'm right and I actually have ppl doing checks on me. Scary? Yes! Fun? Maybe. But it's happened to me plenty of times now. I just hope I don't get the men in black suits after me... Yet... Hmm... Mostly the only time I've gotten background checks were by game moderators and gaming companies... And some other stuff... *whistles* 6_6 I can't help it if I'm bored...
Anyways, there has been alot going on... I think I've declared myself a nun... I have no interest in love at all. I'm not too sad either. I've got to study for school, and I think some other things bug me too. I don't want to get hurt. I'm too young to fall in love, cause I can't marry the person. They can't support me every way I need. And right now, I'd probably bite their head off with my moodiness right now. It's sad to think this way, but I know I do better on my own. Maybe later I can find the goodness in men+love relationships, but right now, I'm in a pit of contempt. I can't find the good qualities to lean on some one atm. But I do enjoy looking at other ppl in love. It's a sweet look, that I doubt I'll know.
Maybe I'm just bitter towards the world in general. XDDD
I'm mostly spewing out negativity but actually I'm quite happy. I really did get deep into my religion and I rather I get to know God and Jesus more and read the Bible, before I can focus on other things.
I think I've degenerated in maturity. I'm enjoying so many things that I use to do when I was littler. You know when little kids start babbling about random things and talk about it and laugh at jokes that only they understand, but you may not get? ---> Me.
I don't know why or how this has happened but it did.  Kinda reminds me of a T-Shirt:-- "I've lost my mind. I'll be back in 5 minutes."
I also started a new sketch book. I'm coloring alot of the pics and it makes me so happy! Normally I either leave my sketches colorless and don't bother inking or anything, or I color it and it looks like a 5 yr old coloring in a color book, with the annoying white all in the color pencil areas. But now I'm loaded with 50 colored pencil set, a 36 pencil water color set, 2packs of color blendors, and humongo sketchbook. I went Bonanza on my 3 day weekend and now with a little practice, my colored sketches are starting to look decent and almost starting to look like they went through photoshop. =D
Lately, I've been drawing a lot of characters with sky backgrounds.. But for some reason I suck at drawing clouds. It's okay to draw random clouds, and comic clouds, but to draw and color large formations of clouds with color pencil, for me... It's a pain in the butt. Such a pain! *messes with hair in frustrion* >XD
Well, to rap it up, I really am happy. Although I'm a ball of negativity, I'm th optimistic one in my family. I always have to complain first, then chirp about the good. Then I'll keep chirping and making silly jokes about nothing until someone cracks a smile or tells me "AAAAGH!!! MAKE IT STOOOOP!! AAAAGH!!! Just shut up. SHUT UP ALREADY!! AAAAGH *jumps out a window* AAAAAAAH!!!"
:D
I really did have some1 in my class at school just start screaming that, when I started a conv about Obama (minus jumping out of window part, but if he could, he would LOL) I love making ppl go mad. =3 Sehr kewl!
I'm also starting to bike for miles now.. It hurts so bad sometimes cause I haven't biked in a while, and my seat hurts. I also get zapped by the sun, so when I get home I'm super tanned, but energyless so I pass out on a nearby couch. It's good I don't burn but bad that I didn't start going out in the sun earlier. I was pale as a ghost, and just being back in the sun, I've gained so much more color, I got farmer's tan REAL BAD. I'm a friggin zebra!! XD
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Thursday, April 3rd, 2008
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Lately, I've been busing making manga for friends or drawing alot. I'm still worried about scholarships. Looks like I just might have to join the Military.. I swear if I do I'm gonna be singing this song for years. Cost Guard looks really good. I really wanna be a physical therapist... and and artist. But for the moment it looks like physical therapy would be best. I can't live on commissions forever. I really need to find scholarships though. I'm blowing my mind trying to get them. I'm scared of student loans... *bites lip* Sis has been using them... I bet she's gonna be in debt for years.... *bite bite* Hmmm..... <_<
Well, schools been flying by fast. It's sadly kinda fun too. So many interesting things happening. I might get a chance to make the sign for class 09 that will be the mural on the side of the school. I'd be so happy if my design was used.. But at the same time... I probably won't be able to make it since I'm moving on my senior year.. *sighs alittle then smiles* I hope I will like my new school... I'm gonna miss my friends here... Why is it when you're about to move you meet so many great people right before you have to leave? WHYYYYYYY?!
In drama class yesterday, we were rehersing stage fight and my one friend and I were practicing on stage together and he couldnt hit me, but all of the sudden the class idiot(i really do think he's mentally challenged) jumped up on stage and was going to hit me for real with his bad aim... But I caught him in mid air by grabbing his hand and twisting it. I was shocked. Class was shocked. But then they applauded me.
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I sometimes wonder why limewire hasn't been taken off line curtesy of the FBI. I know alot of my friends takes songs off of it all the time.... *shrugs*
I really gotta say the game Dream of Mirrors is awesomely fun... I'm addicted to something again. YEY! <xD
I really am stuck at a bridge right now with what I wanna do with my life... I'm stuck in between the struggle of... Being an artist.. Or being a webdesigner.... And being an animator... I can do all 3 but I need to start thinking 1# which brings in more money. 2# Which one I love more. 3# Which one I actually wanna go to college for....
The tough thing is I wanna do all 3 but can't afford to do all 3 at once <:{ I feel as if I'm playhing Russian Roulette with my future, and any choice can end me up on the street in poverty, if I ever get a writer/creative block.. *shivers in fear, while imgaing future homeless self having a sign saying "Will draw for Food" next to herself*
*SCREAMS AT THOUGHT******
TT_TT
I'm scared.
_____
Mom polished the house floors or something.. I'm slipping and sliding everywhere.. *iceskates across floors without socks* If I die from the floors my Will is right here: Everything will go to my dog. Screw charity. ;d
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Okay, I'm finally doing alittle better.. Not crying as much.
Went over to Jin's house. I had soooo much fun. We played and pawned Silent Hill 3. That game is so much fun!! Although at times when there were nurses coming at us I jumped behind Jin's bed hiding and screaming. xD We also ate cookie cake.. I love hang with her. Unfortunately, her mom was sick and I caught her bug... So now I'm at home coughing and sneezing, and practically dying on my couch.
My aunt is staying with us for 17 days. Well now 16. And my mom finally came back from the funeral in Florida for a week...
*cough sneeze cough*
I'm having so much fun playing a game called Dream of Mirrors. It's the best free online game I've played since Flyff had been popular. It's best thing since Peanut Butter has been invented >x3
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Tuesday, February 26th, 2008
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 My Grandma died today at 3:10
I will remember her, and keep her memory alive.
I'm not gonna cry(at least not yet.) She's in a better place, and annoying angels! ;D
Love you grandma!!!!! Love you bunches!! See you again someday! I look forward to eating icecream or angel cakes with you!
With Love <3 <3 <3
XOXOXOXO
*lilly* |
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Saturday, February 23rd, 2008
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| Time: | 1:21 pm. |
| Mood: |  gloomy. | | Music: | Home- Micheal Bumble. |
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Things seem very slow right now... My grandma stopped breathing today.
She's on a breathing machine right now...
The song I'm playing is how I feel, 100%. I wanna go home. To Florida. I can't stop blaming myself, I really wanted to spend my time there rather than here. *deep sighs* I hope grandma's alright.
I have a picture from summer vacation time, I really wish I could smile in the pic right now as I did back then, but with so much stress and worry, I'd be faking any smile, to keep my family saying "I'm okay." I feel like they just want me to be smiling and hope for the best, but my hope is running out. I want to cry, but I can't.
 <- When I was checking the art gallery in Colonial Williuamsburg. (bleh my hair was ugly haha! It's different now. Hmm... Strange how we can look back at old pictures and laugh.)
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Wednesday, February 20th, 2008
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| Subject: | How? |
| Time: | 5:39 pm. |
| Mood: |  mellow. | | Music: | Wherever You will go - Calling. |
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Was listening to this song.. I really like this song... ;;;v_O;;; Makes me feel sad and happy at the same time.
I love this layout.. wow!
Well, V-Day was actually very good.. At the end a girl tried picking a fight with me, but I'm a stupid person and was like "huh? what's your problem?" ._.
I've been thinking about moving... Man, it's a crushing feeling.. It's like I'm standing on a cliff looking to a new world. Will I step forward to move closer to it, take the plunge, and still be okay?
It's alittle scary.. I think maybe it's the waiting for the big day.. I mean, if we just packed up our stuff and moved at a whim all in 1 day, it wouldn't be so painful, but with this waiting.. It's painful, cause I want to stay, the more time I'm here.
I drew this awesome picture using a Gucci male model photo, and drew it bigger and hotter... *blushes* Alot of people just walk by at it and go "OMG!!! <3" I even had a gay guy walk behind me and go "WOW, He's HOOOOT!" ;^u^;;; Maybe I can try to make it more of my character and turn it in for that character contest Jin was mentioning this morning.... o>O
I'm hungry... Dinner is ready.... *drools*
 I AM RAMEN KITTY!!!! >:3 YUM YUM!
I feel kinda fat... I feel hungry.. I wanna be annorexic but I love food too much. xD Dam their skinny assess!!!! It seems like if I even touch a Slim Fast , I can feel the weight gain. =< AND I excercise too... I hear that under stressful situations, people can gain or lose more weight.. I hope I'm not one of those people... TToTT WAAAAAAAAH!!!!!
I really wish I could go to a gym... Even the YMCA.... >o< Oh the in humanity! I have to "watch the house" when my dad leaves Sunday for our new home... Boooooo! -Wait, I mean - YEEEEEEEY!!! o.O;;; I only fear that he takes his motorcycle *shakes head sadly at dad's midlife crisis*
Well, I really love art class... I'm going for animator or storyboarding maybe for college... Sounds fun and my experteeeeesssss.. :D Now to find the scholarships!
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Sunday, February 10th, 2008
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Hmff ... Well, the Anti-Ring Dance Party didn't go as planned.. But there was cake and my friend was there to help save my sorry butt, so I'm happy.
I kinda think the sun is shining on me now.. Dunno why... It's dark outside and the moon looks funky, but I feel like the sun is shining and something goods gonna happen later.. o_O Like I'm seeing things in a new light and I dunno why.... (Enlightenment? XD I really can't put my finger on it.)
But still... ¬.¬ Cleaning my house getting it ready for potential buyers with my friend is the worst kind of party, that I'd rather skip. My mom says she'll make it up to me and scheduled a " real " party for next month.. But I'm kinda scared, cause now we really do have to start 'budgetting' on money, cause my dad quit his job cause of paycuts, and even worse, the job in GA he was suppose to get ... They had him approved and background checked and everything but then said they had a hiring freeze and so... yeah.. stinkers :C I pray my dad can find a really good job now... But we still are moving to GA, but my dad isn't going to the place we orignially wanted.. TT_TT (sighs for not going to cool neighborhood)
I really wanna thank Jin for helping with my room... I swear, everything is sparkling its so FRIGGIN CLEAN X.X **PWND** My organized chaos is now ruined, I can't find a Gwad Damd Thang!!!((Translation: Thnx ;D)) My sister's room doesn't even look like my sis's rom... I wonder if it will stay that way... I give it 2 days >:3
But seriously, Thank You. I think I kinda was acting like a Bee-Och with a sugar high, Jin, thanks for acting like an adult and putting up with me xDDD You're and awesome friend.
Anywho, I got just 10 minutes and tomorrow to animate (which isn't enough time) for a school project... Man I'm so P.O.'d, cause I've been busy the whole entire freakin time, and now I'm having imagination writer's block.. ARGH!!!!! *passes out from stressing out***
TT~TT Ughnnnnnn....
I have a lot on my mind I just keep trying to figure out...
Well, on a brighter note.. For a long while I quit believing in fairy tales, thus love life crushed, demolished, and utterly ANNIHALATED, but I think now I believe in fairy tales again. Well, not exactly as naively and like a child does, but in a way where it's like "Who says I'm not a princess? I deserve the right to believe I can be rescued, swept off my feet, and taken to the land of lollipops." ^_^ ;; Heehee, I'm alittle tired of femenistic nazi views, I'm kicking back the lawn chair, watching my Disney movies, and WILL enjoy the happy ending.(no matter how crappily unreal, or cringes I will first make.)
Honestly, I'm just tired. Haha. I've realized I've blown love completely out of proportion, and I wanna make things right without having to be desperate and run to Dr. Phil.. Sometimes, the best answers given are the ones you've known all along... I guess maybe for a long time I was feeling really self conscious and unworthy of love, because some how in my heart it seemed that I didn't deserve to be happy, but now I think I've learned that I do deserve to be happy. I do deserve love... And I do deserve a cookie for figuring this all out without Dr. Phil, or somebody patting my back. =] I really want a cookie.. I'm hungry.... Foooooooooooowd....
Hmm... I want to buy a Silent Hill game... Silent Hill 4 has good graphics.... But Story and Gameplay reviews says it's not as good as SH 3.... SH 3 has a haunted mansion and is played by a girl character... Hmm... Well, nothing beats Haunted Mansion AND a classic so I'm leaning towards SH3..... Cost 30 bucks.. I hope Gamestop has it... Gamestop doesn't even sell Okami here.. >xO *crosses fingers for SH3*
I never played SH in the dark... Let alone at my house... My house is haunted too... I wonder if it's a good idea... <_< .... This sounds scary.. I could barely handle DOOM 3..... o_o *I'm scared.....*
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Wednesday, February 6th, 2008
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So much work to do. Gotta clean room for Jin to come.. *stress stress*
I got a project that I gotta animate and I think I only will have 2 days to animate.. *stress stress*
Hey, when I move I'll be close to American Idol.. maybe I should try out ... xD
Bleh, not gonna do play, I don't have a ride to get home.. T_T
*stress stress*
Must.. Clean... Room!
Ugh, V-Day coming up... I really wanna miss school that day.. I feel no love. I think I've forgotten what love is like really.. My art is suffering for it. I can't imagine anything. I'm stuck in a rut, I don't remember what love is. I can watch movies and read books about it but it doesn't help me. I can't even fake it. My art seems emotionless or sad or like my art show's the emptyiness I'm feeling. Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah........ I feel.. Numb o.O No other word for it. Just I feel nothing anymore.
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Saturday, February 2nd, 2008
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[Error: close lj-embed tag without open tag]Well, I hear my Grandma's sick and there isn't a possibility that she isn't getting better... <:c I feel really bad...
Packing and getting the house to look nice for selling sucks. -_- It's hard too. I tried out the for the play and I got a part which I sing in all the background scenes.... Booo! xD Just because I have a loud voice and can hold a tune.. But they say I have a 9 year voice <:3 lol, that suxs when your close to being 18 haha!
Well, I got the 4fbf community up, I just wish more people would join and keep posting... *yawn* I'm also trying to finish a flash using an old story I did on inuyasha_chibi's account.. I just keep getting distracted and have a short attention span, so that's a problem...
Oh well, I also tried out Pirates Online... It's fun but the game won't let me logg in anymore.. And it kinda gets boring after awhile.. Guess I don't have much pirate spirit.. I rather just watch the movie and not pretend to be one.. :P
I really feel stuck between emotions, sad and optimistic.. And yet Capricious... God help me, I have no idea what I'm doing right now! @_@
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Monday, January 21st, 2008
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Well, I'm gonna make a community for friends by friends, so my friends from my old school can keep in touch, no matter where we are. Mmmm creativity at work for the background!! Final Exams this week too, I'm sooo scared! I'm only scared of my German exam tho, lol! The song at the moment.. Hmmm~ *u* My best friend has a bf, I'm so proud of her! Kinda makes me feel crappy for not getting one myself, but I'm waiting for the guy of my dreams. Which reminds me,... I had a wonderful dream that the guy I was gonna marry is extremely romantic.. TTuTT omg, I hope he really is in real life.... I think what would suck is if the end of the world happened on my wedding day.. I had a nightmare about that too... :o Poo! My Fair Lady is the play at school this year that I'm gonna try out for.. Eliza's accent doesn't use "H", so I think I've found the best way of how to say her lines.. I can alreeady do a great British accent, now I need to memorize some of the songs... Or a small bit of it... ~(Goodbye 'Enry 'Iggins!) LOL!!
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Thursday, January 10th, 2008
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This song is driving me insane but I can't stop singing it xDDDDD It's insane!
Mom says I can't go to Ring Dance cause they didn't let my sis go TT_TT But they didn't let her go to Prom too!!! I wanna go!!!!
=<
Christmas was wonderful,I went to Florida and got a tan(which is fun considering it's winter and when I go back to V.A. everybody will be pale ghosts.)I got thoughtful gifts that I love.And I got another ipod for Christmas o.o; but it's one of those new video ipod nanos, and I love it... But geez, 2 ipods in less than a month...
Things are getting sticky this month, I wanna try out for the play "My Fair Lady," at school... I absolutely love the movie to it, but I guess I need to try to practice on my British accent *shrugs* everytime I go for a British accent it sounds like its Scottish or Irish.... ><;; *pulls out a book* The Raaaaaayyyyneeeee Iiiin Spaaaaynnneee~------
Not only that but I need to study for final exams and SOLs... I'm so tired though, cause teachers keep piling up essays for me to do... Oh well, at least I'm not flunking any of my classes yet, but I worry about my German class.... It's German 2 and I can't learn a bloody thing.. Everytime I go on vacation I forget every bloody thing I ever learned... ; _ ; I don't know how I'll ever pass the final exam for German, that's the only subject I think I'll flunk the finals for (besides Math, but I'm crossing my fingers here ;P)
Hmm... Nothing happening to me romanticly... In fact, I think I'm degenerating romantic feelings and going hostile... o_o; I seem to get angry pouty face whenever some wacko keeps trying to talk to me or checks me out... I'm not sure why, I'm just not in the mood for love or anything, I have other priorities, but I can already sense people pairing off 2 by 2 more rapidly... Meh.. Oh gawd no.... Valentine's Day is coming up.... D= NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!! *makes a fort of pillows on her bed and hides in it* Whyyyy!!! WHYYYYY?! What is with that day that makes me want to stay home and never open up my door again?! *shivers* I guess I need to group up with my friends and find a way to become invisible for a whole day... I swear the freshm,an this year are crazy, and are the future serial killers of America, and they all like harassing me!!! (lol? I dunno if I should be flattered or scared outta my mind and change my address <xD) Another thing I'm not too happy about is,... A person I kinda cursed.. << (not really, but you know how if some one you want revenge on, but you don't do anything and God punishes them, so you're happy with the fact that they got what they deserved?)... Well this horribly retarded(by retarded I mean idiodic, immature, rude pig who has never learned manners in his lifetime, and treats women like objects, thus never getting any women xD) boy is coming back to school next semester... Why does it bother me? He rides my bus.... He lives in my neighborhood.... He has a crush on me (YUCK! GROSS! EWW! *dies from disgust*)... Everyone in my school, YES, I really do mean EVERYONE hates him at my school... =_= ICK!
But other than that, I REALLY look forward to next semester cause I got all the fun, easy classes, that I love Oh So Much. ~<3
Well,I gotta go finish up another esssay that's due tomorrow... Tata Good Chaps~ *sings* "They're Coming to Take Me Away ~HA HAAA!"
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Monday, December 10th, 2007
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Omg Omg Omg Omg!!!!
*jumps on a couch and starts doing a Tom Cruise dance*
Can I say how puuuuuurfect this Monday has been? Let me count the ways!!!! :DDDDDDDDDD
I entered a raffle contest to help Relay For Life and the prize was 1 ipod...
Out of the MANY ppl who entered I was the one who won!!!!! ^o^ WAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAH WOOOOOO!!!!
Only 1 ipod and its mine mine MINE!
I prayed to God so hard and he listened!
They announced I won on the intercom all over school, so through out the day I had people congratulating me~~~ :3
Then I got out of school early for a doctors appointment, and good thing my dad picked me up out of the class when he did, the evilest of all Substitue teachers just walked into class. I was SAVED!
Gosh, this was the best Monday of my life!!! I so needed a new mp3 cause my old one died 2 weeks ago, so (YEY!)
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Friday, December 7th, 2007
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| Subject: | ACHOO! |
| Time: | 5:10 pm. |
| Mood: |  Sick. | | Music: | whatever playing on my mind (its not a radio xD). |
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(this video made me laugh so hard first time watching)
Really sick.. Today, something about gang riots and shooting had police swarming are school, so bleh. o_o
I'm starting to become better with flash...
I can't decide wether to write a book, or to draw an anime and enter Rising Stars of Manga... I feel so ADD((which I'm not ;D)) whenever I sit down to do something, like actually work real hard on a entry for RSOM or write a book my mind freezes, and then I'm like "oooh cake!" or something and run off and does something else...
Dunno why I'm like that alot...
Computer acting retarded.. I hope it's not a virus...
I wonder if cheat engines are illegal.. Seems like everytime I logg into a new online game everyone is using it and makes the game less fun... >>
*coughs*
Sick...
Why must everything at school spread like the Black Plague? It's absolutely horrible and gross. =_= My throat hurts sooo bad, and my lungs feel dry.
I think I just need some good sleep and plenty of liquids and it will go away... I hope... I don't think I need my parents shoving me over the counter medinces in my face like they are the cure for cancer or something... It's eventually gonna make me immune to them soon if I keep taking them everytime my nose acts up. >=[
It's like this:
Me:*sneezes 7 times in a row*
Parents: HERE! *shoves boxes in my face* Take Robitusum, Dinatap, Advil, Tylenol, and Riiiiicola every 3 hours! Now get away from us before we become contaminated!!! *hurries off*
o___O ...........................................................................
I read an article today in Anatomy that if you drink 8 to 9 glasses of water every single day it can help regulate your metabolism and lose weight... Interesting.. Note to self, carry a gallon full of water everywhere I go and I'll be a twig.. Niiiice~ =O
*udderly sarcastic*
I think everything on my mind at this moment is like looking in a mirror, Reality reflected by an image of sarcasim. I think sometimes my life is just full of Irony, sometimes things aren't as ironic till a day.. Or Year(s) later, but still Ironic. :S
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Wednesday, November 28th, 2007
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Hmm.. Emo song, but I really feel that this fits my mood at the moment. Just heard I'm gonna be moving after my school years over. House going up for sale in January. *sigh* I'm kinda happy, but I'm gonna have to leave some good friends I've made. I kinda wish I didn't have to leave, but I've also been wanting this for years, but at the same time its like "can't it wait a few more months, or years?" I guess now isn't a good time to get involved with any relationships *heh* I dun see the point if I'm just gonna leave anyways. <=[ I'm starting to feel like all this time I spent here was useless, or a beginner town. Like when you first start out in a video game that "hometown" you first spend alot of time at to get a background story, and then you leave to go on to bigger better things... That's how I feel like my useless years here were spent. Hell I wasnt even born here anyways.. >:I Not sure if I should be mad, sad, glad, don't know... I wonder if it will snow this year... I hope it does for my last year here.. Georgia doesn't snow... Hmm... Too bad I can't go to the prom as a senior here next year *Siii~igh* Well, guess it was time for a change in scenery.. I hope I can keep in contact with my friends. TT__TT ~Ciao
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Wednesday, November 21st, 2007
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*eating cookie cake* O-cO ....... Yum...
My Birthday didn't get any better, but tomorrow is a new day, so since it is a new day I'm gonna forget about yesterday and look to the better things...
Good thing #1: Today is a half day
#2: My bestfriend gets to ride home with with me and have fun at my house (YEY!)
#3: I'm building up my confidence to talk and get to know this great guy. ^^;;
#4: GAWD I LOVE THIS COOKIE CAKE!! ***bites***
#5: *sings* "It's a beautiful morning~~ Aaaaaa~~ " Sun is shining. Birds a twittering.. Gonna be in the 70's. God is good,
#6: Friday, I'm getting the fur lined hooded coat I've ALWAYS been wanting!! FINALLY I don't have to go another year wearing a red coat that makes me look like Vash the Stampede with a crossover of Naruto! ((HAAAALLELUJAH!!))
#7: Hmmm.... I think my Good Things list ran out, but if there is one thing I'm grateful and happy about is.... Um... Hm.... What is it?.... Ugh..... Oh is that half my family who lives in other states called me to wish me a Happy Birthday and told me they loved me. It really ment alot to me. =3 My own parents haven't told me they loved me in months, and I guess I've been really bummed down some over it.
Well, off to school after I finish cake! WEEEE! I'm kinda shy about #3 on my list but here goes nothing >:D
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Tuesday, November 20th, 2007
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*gasp* My Birthday pops up outta nowhere!
Finally 17, and now I wish I wasn't..
It's true, when you're older you wish to be younger and when your younger you wish to be older... 9_9
Parents stuck a bag of clothes infront of my door for my birthday... I had already a nice outfit I wanted to wear though, and the clothes they got me looked like it was for a 60 year old woman... My mom has a bad habit of buying clothes that she would wear... Literally 2 sizes too big.. and whe I told them I didn't want to wear it, they yelled at me telling me they'd never get me anything for my B-Day again. TT_TT I can't help it... I got so angry that I told them how ugly it was.... Anyway, right now they've forced me to wear the ugly outfit, and I'm chicken to step outside with it...
I hope they rest of the day is better. << *still crying*
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Friday, November 9th, 2007
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Lately I feel like things I try to get done.. I get nowhere... But no worries or regrets I have.... Hmmm...
As the main song I have at the moment... Move Along.. I feel like it's my anthem atm.. I just gotta keep going. Something in me is going, and I can't stop. Like the world is against me, and if I fall, I should get up on my feet and keep going straight ahead.
I feel fearless I guess... Come what may big scary world, I'm not afraid! >:D
Anyways, I for the first time heard a guy tell me everything my heart and ears have been wanting to hear. "I'm beautiful. I'm cute. I'm so charming." Blah blah blah... Unfortunately, no romantic feelings stirred. =_= Poor fellow, he isn't my type... I feel sorry for the chap, but at the same time, I can't do anything about it because... Well.. Just not my type... But I've finally heard the words of romance << Wow , now if only I could find a guy who IS my type, and sparks could fly... *nosebleed* :3 I would like that alot!!!
But I still feel sorry for the poor chap *sniff* I've hurt alot of guys feelings toward me before, but this dude actually gave killer compliments, that would have knocked out a normal girl.. -___- Well,... not a normal girl... Maybe an average girl? .... no... Below average? no.. that's mean.... Oh well, poor chap, but I can't please everybody. <:S
Lalalalala.... I think if I can get my scanner working I might post a short manga I made :D
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shadowlillium's journal
predatory.
giggly.
scared.
sick.
indescribable.
contemplative.
stressed.
working.
chipper.
Flipping out with happiness.
blank.
hopeful.
angry.
touched.